Desperate Pursuit

Once again, I was listening to 'Desert Song' by Hillsong United for maybe the 40th time this week, and I gained more realization from a verse nearing the end of the song.. it says:

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

This seed I've received I will sow

And I just love love love that part because it acknowledges that when things are going great and life is working out for you, you know its just for a season. Like I've been mentioning in my most recent blogs, you just kinda know that pressures will come upon you one day or another. It's expected, and there's no doubt it'll come to you, guaranteed! Which normally isn't something to be too thrilled about, but from reading Acts a few weeks ago, what Paul endured for the sake of our Savior was so encouraging--it makes you so much more willing to suffer for Christ.

Leah wrote about reading Ecclesiastes chapter 3, and so i was like 'hey, i'll go read it.' There is a verse that speaks on how there is a time for everything, and a season for everything as well. And this is so relevant with that verse from 'Desert Song' because seasons prepare us for new seasons. When we're going through a time of weakness and vulnerability, God only allows this so that we will have no other choice but to put our full trust in Him. And through that He'll be able to shape and mold us into where He wants us to be, and prepare us for the upcoming season. And I just love that thought, I know that it's what'll keep me encouraged and devoted.

Well I decided that I'd read the whole book, which isn't too long, and I've found that it relates so much to myself before I really sought a true relationship with God. In it, King Solomon has the ability to come into contact with anything his heart desires and could very easily choose to satisfy himself in the things of the world. Yet with every natural thing that anybody would ever want, he found himself feeling empty. And that was completely me, especially in the last couple years of elementary school. I had moved to a new school (it seemed like I did a lot of that when I was younger) and tried to find something that would fill me up. I remember even constantly telling my mom that I felt like there was something missing, but I could never put my finger on it. This is how it worked in my mind: We are born without asking for it, have to get an education, just so we can make money, just so we can eat, so that we can live, work for a couple decades, eventually get married somewhere in between, have kids and raise them, then eventually die too... ? It made absolutely no sense to me at all, and so I found life so purposeless. Although I was a Christian, I was still searching for something so much more than what this life has to offer. You guys remember that Stacie Orrico song 'More to Life'?.. 'There's gotta me more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me', yeah, that was pretty much my motto at the time.

This even went on for years and years until the summer of 2006 until I went on my first youth conference ever, Desperation Camp. That was the most AMAZING experience I've ever had, and the first time I truly felt God move. I remember the last night we were there at New Life Church, and I believe the Desperation Band was playing at the time. I remember we got to a moment where all 8000+ people present were completely silent in the sanctuary (more like an arena!). One of the pastors named Brent Parsley kept telling us to 'draw near to God, and He'll draw near to you' (James 4:8), and I distinctly recall wanting to experience this for myself for every fiber of my being! In the midst of the silence, I heard one girl let out a cry from very very far away from where I was standing, and then it kinda came around like a wave. That's the best way to describe it, her cry was like the start of a huge domino effect and the wave came around clockwise, and you could hear now hundreds of people crying. I didn't even realize when I had joined in the cry out to God, but I can just remember the warmth I felt over by body and I just let it all out. It wasn't my doing at all either, it just came over me and over whelmed me, and I couldn't help but cry.

Normally in the past prior to that night I had so much difficulty speaking in tongues. I had received the holy spirit when I was 8 years old  during a service that Ronny Caldwell back when we were in Adventure Club. But even though I spoke in tongues, it was very rarely and took a lot for me to get it out. I think even sometimes it was a little bit pushed, I could never just let it flow out other than the night I had received it. But on that very day of Desperation I couldn't stop speaking tongues, even in the parking lot I was still muttering it under my breath. It was just awesome, awesome doesn't even describe how awesome it was.

During those early years it seemed as I had everything, but I can truly attest to the fact that every other thing I had searched for never satisfied my thirst for something pure. After Desperation, I had (and still have) so much joy in me and no matter the season, I know He's working in me and has something great planned for my life. So God, I give it to You, Your free to do anything and everything that You will to!